Why isn’t 4/20 recognized as an international holiday? (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph

Last year on the 20th of April and I was forced to wake up and go to work with the paranoia of my boss looking over my shoulder as I watched conspiracy theory videos on YouTube all day..  Fortunately, this year 4/20 falls on a Saturday, and I can enjoy my wake and bake when I move from my bed to my couch. 4/20 isn’t just a celebration of a cannabis plant. It’s a celebration of Nachos, massive bong rips, movies, and hours of blank thoughts.  It is our duty to be high from morning until night. And the art of the staying high all day is one that should be internationally recognized.

Banks should be closed, churches should have special ceremonies, and local convenience stores should at least stay open till 4 (gives us time to get the munchies).  While parades with weed candy should be thrown in the streets as kids collect it with their bags made from 100% hemp.

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It’s a shame that a bunny, a B&E expert, and a turkey are more of a “holiday” than the sacred hemp plant.

What people need to realize is that we should wake up with the feeling of giving. 4/20 isn’t about getting yourself high, it’s really about getting everyone around you in the spirit of the holiday. Whatever you need to do, lock someone in a closet to hotbox or forcing smoke down their throats, whatever you need to do to spread holiday cheer. “The best way to spread holiday cheer is smoking loud for all to smell.”

Once everyone figures this out, we can legalize 4/20 day man.

Satire.

Music Festivals are Changing The American Dream (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph

There once was a time where the American dream was to get a great job, marry your soul mate, have children and die, watching the sunset with your partner on the deck of your farmhouse.  Fast forward 75 years and the American dream is now going to a music festival, not because you want to see live music, but to get a picture for your Instagram. The feeling of getting that just right picture so that, Mary, back home, gets jealous is so much better than having a child.  I mean who wouldn’t want to do drugs and kill every brain cell possible rather than watching their 6-year-old ride a bike.  

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As America has changed, The American Dream changes with it.  Your legacy isn’t determined by how your son did on his math test.  It’s determined by the likes and comments you get on your Instagram photo.  People back in the day used to go out of their way, and even risk their lives, for their family.  But, the joyride in 2019 comes right after the Molly hits and Closer by the Chainsmokers comes on, and your friend just confessed their “bromance/girlmance” for you.  That’s the shit you’re going to take to the grave. Kids get older and forget about you, but Instagram posts last forever.

So, before you go on trying to live in 1943, remember that someone out there is risking their lives, dangling from a cliff, broadcasting live on Instagram, with 8 people watching.

Satire.