NFL Fantasy Week 4 Shiners & Piners

I had to skip last week due to a wedding I was in (Congrats Jayna & Bruce!). I deeply apologize and I hope everyone was able to win their games without my insight. Week 4 is here and it’s the first buy week. Injuries are beginning to rack up and your roster may start to look a little shaky. But don’t panic, there is still A LOT of football to be played this year.

A little advice before I get to this. If you have someone on your bench out-perform someone you started, don’t get down on yourself. Never in a million years would you play Paul Richardson over Davante Adams. Only people with peanuts for brains would make this move (or GIANT balls, however you want to look at it). Fantasy is about playing the right players when the matchup is right, but it doesn’t always work out the way I, you, or ESPN “experts” predict.



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Dak Prescott

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Fuck, do the Cowboys look good. Their defense, their offense. Just an all-around, complete team they have this year. So far, Dak is throwing at an immensely high 75% completion percentage with 9 TDs and only 2 turnovers. They go into the Super Dome on Sunday night and I’m thinking that Dak is going to pick on Eli Apple and the leagues worst pass defense.

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Jared Goff

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Goff FINALLY got things going last Sunday night as the Rams were able to get by the Browns in Cleveland. Goff must have realized that Cooper Kupp was back on the team as he was his favorite target all night. The Rams play host to Tampa Bay on Sunday who just let rookie, Daniel Jones, jizz all over their faces this past week. The Rams seem to have their offense going and a matchup against the Bucs (at home) could elevate Goff’s confidence even more.

Phillip Rivers

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Yes, we are going to pick on the Dolphins. It’s going to be a theme all year. Phillip Rivers got his yearly “Phillip Rivers sucks” game out last week and it still wasn’t a bad game. He threw for 318 yards and 2 tuddys. Miami is a joke. They are a literal dumpster fire this year. Phillip Rivers should get you 18+ fantasy points easy.

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Sleepers: Jacoby Brissett, Daniel Jones, Aaron Rodgers


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Matt Ryan

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Do you really trust Matt Ryan against the Titans? It’s Matt Ryan. Some call him Matty Ice for some reason, but the man doesn’t have a drop of cold water in his veins. The Titans have a good fucking defense, that keeps them in games. When Matt Ryan is supposed to do good, like in a home game against a win-able opponent, he falls flat on his face. I would stay away from Ryan, personally.

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Carson Wentz

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I like Carson Wentz just like the next guy, but he’s going into Green Bay who has one of the best defenses in the league (surprisingly). On top of that, the Eagles offense is banged up more than the guy that breaks everything on SpongeBob.

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Wentz may end up being okay. And if he is your only option you’re going to have to ride with him, but if you can find another steaming option you may want to think about putting him on your bench.

Kirk Cousins

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He’s playing the Bears and you saw what Khalil Mack and company just did to Case Keenum on Monday night. The Vikings have been riding the Dalvin Cook train all year and I predict their game plan against the Bears is going to be extremely run-heavy. You can find a better option than Cousins, he’s only owned in 36% of leagues on ESPN, don’t worry about stashing him on your bench, drop him at this point.

Ride the Pine: Jameis Winston, Teddy Bridgewater, Mitch Trubisky



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Austin Ekeler

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He’s playing the Dolphins…. Also, with the impending return of Melvin Gordon, Ekeler may be on a mission to prove that he deserves the bulk of the carries when Gordon returns.

Marlon Mack

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Believe it or not, Marlon Mack leads the league in carries through the first three weeks. The Colts welcome the Raiders this Sunday and I expect the Colts to keep with the course. Mack may have the 9th most points among PPR running backs, so far. But, he is the Colts workhorse, and touches are touches. Mack has been one of the most consistent plays this year, expect him to have a bigger game than normal this week.

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Joe Mixon

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Look, the Bengals haven’t shown us much this year besides 3 Bengal-like losses. But, they go into a banged-up Pittsburgh team this Sunday. These two teams HATE each other. Mixon has a low 2.8 YPA this season but the Bengals have played three tough run defenses this season (Seattle, San Fran, & Buffalo). The Bengals are going to need to get their offense kick-started this Sunday, and the best way to do that is to get Mixon going early. Expect Mixon to bounce back to his lackluster start of the season.

Sleepers: Mark Ingram, Rex Burkhead, James Conner, Adrian Peterson, Phillip Lindsay


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Aaron Jones

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It’s a short week, he’s a little banged up (shoulder) from last week, and he’s facing the Eagles who have given up 171 yards on the ground for the entire season (57 YPG). It’s a recipe for disaster for Jones. He should ride the pine unless he’s your only option.

Devin Singletary & Frank Gore

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The Patriots have shown that they have a top-3 run defense this season. And I get the feeling that the Patriots are about to stomp the Bills in this showdown of two undefeated teams. Every time the Bills have a glimpse of hope, Tom Brady and the Pats come and stomp on their necks. Singletary and Gore are not explosive enough to exploit this tough defense. You can find other options this week at running back.

James White

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The long-time Patriots’ reliable running back is not so reliable anymore. In Bill Belichick fashion, he has a three-headed monster in the backfield. With the talents of Michel and Burkhead, it’s hard to find enough production to keep him in your starting lineup. The Patriots love to change up their game plan when it comes to running backs and against a stout Bills defense, it’s hard to determine what Belichick will do. It’s safe to keep him benched.

Ride the Pine: David Montgomery, Devonta Freeman, Kenyan Drake



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Davante Adams

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Yes, he hasn’t been that great this year. But I’m predicting a breakout game for Adams. Philly’s pass defense has been horrendous this season and with Aaron Rodgers at home, it makes for a great matchup for Adams. I’m expecting at least 75+ yards and 1+ tuddy from Adams. Your patience with him will pay off this week.

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Amari Cooper

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Remember last year when the Cowboys traded a 1st round pick for Cooper and we all called Jerry Jones a dumbass. Yeah, well turns out we are the dumbasses. Cooper has finally become the receiver we thought he was going to be coming out of Alabama. As consistent and electric as he has been it’s very tough to bench him. Marshon Lattimore will be following him most of the game, but even Lattimore hasn’t looked like the Rookie of the Year he once was.

Terry McLaurin

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The Ohio State prospect has been lighting it up for the Redskins. Initially drafted to be a special teams gunner, now the No. 1 option on the Redskins receiver core. McLaurin has scored in his first 3 games as a pro and when the train is hot you got to hop on until the train falls off. The Giants have one of the worst secondaries in the NFL and Case Keenum is going to want to bounce back after that awful MNF game. Let this star shine.

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Terry McLaurin can also block

Sleepers: Cooper Kupp, Tyler Boyd, DJ Moore, Allen Robinson, Christian Kirk


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Marvin Jones Jr.

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Although the Kansas City matchup seems like a good one on paper. Jones has yet to prove that he is a viable fantasy asset. With only 15 receptions on the year, his value is not worth your time. Matthew Stafford is yet again struggling out of the gates. I have a feeling the Chiefs are going to roll the Lions on Sunday and I would stay away from this shaky Detroit offense.

Stefon Diggs

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Kirk Cousins is the Kirk Cousins we all knew he was. With the emergence of star running back Dalvin Cook and the Bears potent pass defense, the Vikings are going to go with a run-heavy offense. Remember week 1 when the Vikings threw the ball 10 times total? Expect that to happen again, with Thielen and Cook getting all the targets. Rumor is Diggs also requested a trade this week meaning there could be bad blood between Diggs and the rest of the offense.

Julian Edelman

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This Bills v. Patriots game is going to be a game of ball and clock control. I can see the final score being something like a 12 – 6. Tom Brady is going to game manage the fuck out of this one and with very little offensive smoke. Not to mention the Bills have a good defense. Also, Edelman is nursing a rib injury that could limit his snaps.

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Ride the Pine: Chris Godwin, John Brown, Dede Westbrook, DJ Chark



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Evan Engram

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I really shouldn’t have to tell anyone this. But Evan Engram looks like a man amongst boys this year. Especially with Daniel Jones throwing him the football. He has the size of a TE and the speed of a WR. The Giants play the Redskins this week which could be a shootout in the making. Engram-boom is going to happen.

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Sleeper: Austin Hooper, Darren Waller


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Vance McDonald

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The Steelers just traded for Nick Vannett and Vance is dealing with a shoulder injury. McDonald is one that the Steelers hoped more for, and the Steelers came out and said they the trade for Vannett was not simply because of McDonald’s injury. It sounds like a ride the pine situation for McDonald.

Ride the Pine: James O’Shaughnessy, Noah Fant

Anyone I missed? Anyone you think will go off this week? comment below and we can discuss.

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NFL Week 2 Shiners & Piners

Week 1 is in the books.  Looks like the NFL is geared up to score a lot of points again this year.   Roger must be juicing the balls…. This is going to be my weekly Shiners & Piners. (Shiners⭐️ = they will shine in your lineup, Piners = let them ride the pine, they aren’t worthy of your team for the week).



Dak Prescott

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Dak played like he had a chip on his shoulder in week 1. Almost like the Cowboys are getting ready to give him a new contract? Pay the man. That was the best performance I’ve seen from Dak since he entered the league. His weapons are all in their primes, Zeke, Amari, Gallup, Witten (jk). Dak has a favorable matchup against the Redskins who were torched by Carson Wentz and DeSean Jackson last week. In two games last season against Washington, Dak threw for 562 yards and 3 touchdowns. Start Dak with confidence this week.

Tom Brady

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The GOAT is the “Play of the Week” since he is playing the Dolphins. Do I think he is going to get a lot of points? Yes. Is he going to play the whole game? Probably not. Tom vs. the Dolphins is the juiciest matchup of the week. I would still start him because I think the Patriots are going to use their shiny new toy in AB, but don’t be surprised when they get a 4 touchdown lead and Belichick starts running the ball…

DeShaun Watson

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I’m so pissed I didn’t get this animal in any of my leagues this year. If you got him, there may not be a time to bench him. He’s playing in a semi-weak division and he may be the most explosive quarterback in this league. Yeah, I said it, Patrick. Watson can do everything and after that DISAPPOINTING loss, to New Orleans on MNF, Watson and the gang are going to be out for blood. The Texans play the overrated Jacksonville defense. Ramsay can try to stop Hopkins, but Hop is going to get his.

Sleepers: Jared Goff, Sam Darnold, Lamar Jackson


Jameis Winston

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That’s right, you bought it, I kinda bought it. “This is going to be Jameis’s year”, “It’s his 4th year and he has weapons around him, he has to put up points.” *fart noise* Fucking Jameis, man. Last week he ate more grass than W’s.

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Jameis plays the Carolina Panthers tomorrow night and if you don’t know my philosophy on Thursday night quarterbacks, DON’T PLAY THEM (unless they are a top player “Mahomes, Watson, Wentz, etc”) The Carolina front seven got stronger this past year when they added former Buc Gerald McCoy. Pass on Winston

Kirk Cousins

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Oh, Kirky. Just like Jameis, you build us up with hype and a plethora of weapons only to take a shit inside your helmet before you run on the field. Kirk went 8/10 last week……. Not a bad stat line, but Minnesota hopes that Dalvin Cook can produce most of the offense the rest of the year. Minnesota’s passing core could take a hit because of this. Kirk plays the surprisingly good Packers defense in Week 2, who made Mitch Trubisky look like a JV quarterback. You can find better options than Kirk.

Aaron Rodgers

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RODGERS. Let this sink in, Aaron Rodgers had the 24th worst completion percentage in week 1 with 60%. Your boy, that you drafted with your 3 overall pick like a fucking idiot. Andy Dalton had a better week than Aaron, hows that make you feel? Granted he may have been playing the best defense in the league and Khalil Mack was on the hunt the entire 1st quarter. But his matchup this week isn’t any better. The only factor helping Rodgers is that the game is at home, but the NFL’s 2nd best defense comes to town (Viking’s). Bench your 3rd round draft pick.



Dalvin Cook

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HEEEEE’S BACK. Is it just me or did Dalvin Look better than ever in his return to the field? He was the entire Viking’s offense. I can guarantee Cook will get you AT LEAST 15 fantasy points this week. The week part of Green Bay’s defense is their run-stopping. Cook should never leave that starting spot on your team.

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Carlos Hyde

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This is a scary one for owners who did not take a shot on Hyde in their drafts. He looked fucking good Monday Night against the Saints. “oh but he only got 10 carries” He is still learning the offense you impatient fucks. The Texans play the Jaguars on Sunday in which I think the Texans are going to roll over them. Hyde’s carries will increase as time goes on. Duke Johnson is the 3rd down back and he is too fragile to carry the early-down work. Look for Hyde to find the end zone in week 2.

Marlon Mack

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Mack was the work-horse for the Colts in Week 1. Ha Ha. Punny. He carried the ball a league-high 25 times for 174 yards, 119 of those were in the 3rd quarter alone. The Colts are going to need a run game to help Brissett. Don’t let the Titans defense scare you, they still gave up 25.9 PPR points to the Cleveland running backs last week. Mack is going to be a key point to this offense for the year and I like the match up he has.

Sleepers: Mark Ingram, Austin Ekeler, Adrian Peterson, Chris Thompson


David Johnson

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DJ plays the #1 overall defense to opposing running backs (Ravens) in week 2. Johnson was able to have the 5th best PPR performance for running backs in week 1 against Detroit, but this is Kyler Murray’s first away game in Baltimore. Expect John Harbaugh to come after Murray and the Cardinals often and early. Stay away from the Cardinals offense.

Phillip Lindsay

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There was a lot of hope for Lindsay after his breakout rookie season last year. He was only able to manage 66 scrimmage yards against an underrated Raiders defense. Expect close or even less against the Bears D in week 2. Even the king of check-downs Joe Flacco won’t be able to get him away from Khalil Mack.

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Damien Williams

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He is the starter, for now in Kansas City, but Shady is coming for that top spot. He had 18.5 PPR fantasy points in week 1 but I would sell high on Williams. Shady is learning the offense and will start to dwindle Williams’s usage. Williams only had 13 carries to McCoy’s 10 in week 1. The Raiders will possibly be down their 1st round corner (Gareon Conley) which could open the door for the Chiefs passing game and you know how Andy Reid likes to throw the ball.



Amari Cooper

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9 targets for 6 receptions for 106 yards and a touchdown in week 1. Just like his Shiner counterpart, Prescott, Cooper makes the list for week 2. The Redskins pass defense is weak and if the Cowboys play anything like they did in week 1 then Cooper should be a top scorer for week 2.

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Robert Woods

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Woods tied 2nd in targets with 13 last week. There was speculation with Kupp coming back that Goff would steer away from Woods, but it was just the opposite. The Rams have a favorable matchup against the Saints this weekend. The aerial attack that we saw last year could make its comeback this Sunday afternoon.

Allen Robinson

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Even though his quarterback didn’t show up in week 1, Robinson was able to secure the top spot for targets on the Bears roster with 13, in which he hauled in 7 for 107 yards. The Bronco’s secondary isn’t what they used to be, especially after Derek Carr was able to pick them apart on Monday night. Robinson should be able to find the end zone in week 2.

Sleepers: Jamison Crowder, Michael Gallup, Cooper Kupp


Mike Evans

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Mike has a lot of talent that is going to go down the drain if he stays in Tampa Bay. Evans plays on the road against the division rival, Panthers, on Thursday night. A season ago Evans only had 5 receptions for 64 yards in two outings against Carolina. If you have other options, put Evans on the bench, and if you have to start him, don’t expect a lot from him this week.

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Emmanuel Sanders

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Courtland Sutton was able to beat Sanders in targets for week 1, (7-8), and seems to be the clear cut WR1 in Denver. But, its Joe fucking Flacco. If you trust check-down Joe against the Bears then you should stop playing fantasy football. Sit Sanders and find a better option.

Cardinals WR’s

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Kyler Murray in his first away game against the Ravens, sit this offense.



Austin Hooper

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The one light in the Falcons offense this past week was Austin Hooper. Hooper was able to haul in 9 grabs for 77 yards putting up 16.7 PPR points. A solid outing for a late-round tight end. The Falcons play host to the Eagles this weekend who gave up big plays to Vernon Davis last week.

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Sleeper: Jason Witten, Darren Waller, Mark Andrews


Eric Ebron

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There was still some optimistic integrity with Ebron when Andrew Luck announced his retirement. Ebron finished at the top of the ranks last year with the Colts and some believed it wasn’t going to matter who threw him the ball this year. But they (and I) were wrong. Ebron and Brissett just don’t mesh well with each other. It’s would be wise to avoid Ebron this week.

Seasonal Sports Depression

by: Jake Ring

On Thursday night, the Toronto Raptors won the NBA championship.  And as Kawhi Leonard hoisted the Larry O’Brien trophy, I got an eerie feeling in my stomach.  Every year this time of year comes and every year it hits us sports fans right in the gut.  I’m talking about Seasonal Sports Depression.  This time period comes from the end of basketball (or hockey) to the beginning of football.  And is also called the “Dead Zone of Sports.”

Unless you are a die-hard baseball, NASCAR, or golf fan, you are not fond of these summer months.  Baseball sucks unless you are actually at the game or if its October. Golf sucks unless Tiger is contending (side note: golf is perfect for napping on Sundays, I will give it that). And NASCAR sucks unless you are piss drunk.

No more, “Hey, wanna catch the game at the bar?” Or, “come over for the game, I’m making buffalo chicken dip.” There is absolutely nothing to talk about with your co-workers at the water cooler.  Bar and restaurants play HGTV on their TVs. When you are trying to get drunk with your friends, you end up drinking more because there is nothing on TV.  It’s bad for everyone.

Unless you have a girlfriend and/or a wife.  This is their favorite time of the year. Because now, you have no excuse to get out of doing things with her.  When she says, “My cousins-wives-sons gender reveal party is this weekend, we’re going.” You can’t answer with, “Nah, I can’t the [insert favorite teams name here] are playing”  You have to suck it up and go with her because you literally have no excuse. And when you have to go to her dads-cousins-sons-cousins random party, it would be bearable to be at if there is a game on.

The first sight of sports is not for another 83 days when the Chicago Bears play the Green Bay Packers.  And don’t be that guy that says, “I watch every NFL preseason game.” Bullshit, buddy. Preseason games are less entertaining than the AAF games, and that says A LOT.

Luckily this year, we get to watch the USWNT kick the shit out of the rest of the world in soccer.  They are always fun to watch. (side note: They should get paid the same amount as the men, by the way, the men didn’t even make the World Cup last year. Fucking losers)

Good Luck on your 80+ days of no major sports


Things to keep you from scraping your eyes out from boredom with no sports. In order from best to worst:

1. Follow NBA free agency

2. Follow the NBA draft

3. Watch Hard Knocks with the Oakland Raiders

4. Watch the NBA Summer League

5. Watch the Fortnite World Cup Championship

6. Watch the Women’s World Cup

7. Read my blog

8. Watch the Big3 basketball tournament

9. Follow my twitter

10. Drink a lot of alcohol

11. Don’t watch the WNBA

12. Become a stoner

13. Swim

14. Play with your dog

15. Cry

16. Work overtime hours

17. Watch paint dry

18. Give me money here

19. Arts and crafts


21. Hang out with your significant other

Which NFL Quarterback would chug a beer the fastest?

by: Jake Ring

5. Jared Goff

Goff is no stranger when it comes to pounding brews.  Back in 2017, Goff got his entire O-line Yeti Beer coolers for Christmas.  You think he got all those coolers just so those big linemen could use them at their family barbeque? No. Goff knew damn well those coolers would come in handy while they were out partying in California.  

4. Ben Roethlisberger

I mean, look a the guy.  He’s a beer drinking just by his image and his ultimate dad bod.  I’ve heard stories that this guy would go to a ski lodge in Pennsylvania and just get hammered at the lodge.  In 2017, “Big” Ben used a very particular catchy beer slogan when he was calling an audible. Dilly mother fucking Dilly.


3. Baker Mayfield

Dude’s 24-years-old, plays in CLEVELAND, got arrested in college while drunk and is an incredible dancer.  If those four facts don’t SCREAM beer drinker than I don’t know what does. While in college Baker was seen at a Clippers game “crushing beer” according to TMZ.

Baker also just reminds me of that guy at the party that is always drunk but you have no idea.  

Guy at a party: Baker how many have you had tonight?

Baker: “Tonight?” **let’s out loud burp for 3 seconds** “I don’t know I started the morning with a 30 rack of Busch and since then I’ve switched over to 24 ounce Twister Teas.   Pretty chill night.”


2. Matthew Stafford

Matt is the whole reason I wrote this article.  If you have been dead for the past 2 days I’ll explain the situation.  During game 5 of the Bucks and Raptors series, David Bakhtiari was shown pounding beers in seconds, and I mean microseconds.  The camera then went over to Aaron Rodgers (who would be 32nd on this list), as he choked down 3 sips of beer. @BarstoolNate then posted this video of Matthew Stafford

Putting the highest paid player in the NFL in a fucking body bag.  Good for you Matt, money can’t buy happiness, but chugging beer can.

1.  Tom Brady

He’s the GOAT.  No other way around it.  The man has six super bowls, a smokeshow of a wife and a beautiful technique of playing the game of football…..and chugging beer.  Tom went on Stephen Colbert and killed the fucking game.  Keep in mind this guy barely drinks beer, so he is “straight off the couch” in boxing terms.

I mean it was one gulp.  “I was pretty good beer chugger back in the day.”  


But can’t we all just agree that Tom is the GOAT of every category when it comes to NFL QB’s; knowledge of the game, most super bowl wins, quick release time, beer chugging.