Game of Thrones S8E5 Recap

by: Jake Ring

The Mad Queen has arrived.

Really was not expecting what happened to happen. RIP Jaime, Varys, Sandor, and I guess Cersei. Dany, literally burning everything, just made you feel bad for Cersei. She just loves her kids, ya know? But they’ve been setting Dany up to go ~mad~ the entire series and if you didn’t get that, then you haven’t been paying attention.

Ayra is about to kill Dany, I think everyone can agree on that. That last scene of her looking over all the burnt bodies really got ya in the feels. She did say, “I’m going to kill the Queen.” The target has turned.

Watching Jamie kill Euron was satisfying. He finally stood up to the guy who was fucking his sister/lover. Good for you Jaime. RIP to the GOAT of being a douchebag then winning over our hearts. What timing by Euron finding Jaime on that beach, though.

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Tyrion will burn, that’s all. Poor little dwarf, just trying to save innocent lives, but caught in the middle of a war.

The Cleganebowl was all hype. Extremely disappointed in that outcome. I was fully expecting Sandor to come out alive. Plus the fight was just an average brawl between two very massive dudes.

Rocks crashing down and killing Jaime and Cersei was pretty anti-climatic.  Maybe they survived that? If not, I was expecting to see Cersei die in a way that is a little more satisfying and deserving of her character, Jaime as well. 

Jon knew what Dany was doing was wrong. I guess pussy hasn’t changed all of him after all. Dany now has no one besides Greyworm. And Greyworm looked like Anakin Skywalker in Episode III of Star Wars.  Enraged and filled with revenge and hate. He’ll die too in the next episode. I’m thinking Jon kills him. Jon and Greyworm 1v1 going to be something special.  Jon, Arya, and Sansa will plot to kill Dany, mark my words.

Robert Baratheon was the only man who knew what Dany was capable of.  RIP to a fucking LEGEND.

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All in all, I thought it was a great episode.  Very Game of Thrones-esque.  Happy endings are not a thing in this series.  If they wanted a happy ending they would have ended the series with Robb winning the war against the Lannisters. D&D are incredible writers/creators.  I really don’t understand all the hate this season is getting.  This has been THE most action-packed season of them all.  It’s been like watching a Fast and Furious movie every Sunday.  

This next episode just seems kinda predictable, maybe the writer’s will throw a twist or two but my prediction is now that Kings landing is gone, each “kingdom” in the seven kingdoms is going to rule their own shit and not kneel to a king/queen. Jon will retreat north, he does not want the crown. Although, Sansa will rule the North. Who gives a fuck about the other six kingdoms.

Game of Thrones S8E4 Recap

by: Jake Ring

Everyone wanted a “REAL Game of Thrones” episode.  Well, are you happy? Rhaegal died. Missandei died.  I was unhappy as the rest of you when Rhaegal died, but holy shit.  Props to Euron, he’s got some fucking aim with that Scorpion. They were 3/3 on Rhaegal but 0/12 on Drogon. Yeah, you weren’t the only one thinking that.  

Let’s talk about Dany real quick.  She’s quickly turning into the second villain of the series.  Her tyranny is turning her into the Mad Queen. She’s about to burn down King’s Landing with Drogon.  There won’t be an Iron Throne left for her sit on. Dany’s vision in S2 and Bran vision in S4 both have the same outcome.  (See Below).

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Dany’s vision S2

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Bran’s vision S4

King’s Landing is for sure SOL.  After watching Varys and Tyrion discuss who should sit on the Iron Throne, don’t be surprised when they conspire to kill her so Jon sits on the Throne.  Side note: Varys said he would never turn on her, now he’s about to try and kill her.  Not a good look.)

Now onto important things.  Ghost. Jon, can’t you show some type of affection to your loyal beast? He just fought for his life and lost part of his ear for you to cast him away north of the wall. I’m a little salty about this.  Goodbye Ghost. Goodbye Tormund. For some reason though, I have a feeling this isn’t the last time we will see these two.

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Jaime and Brienne.  Congratulations on the sex.  Pussy must not have been good enough though since Jaime is going back to his sister.  Leaving Brienne thinking she should have picked Tormund. He would have treated her so much better.

Ayra celebrated her championship by going back and doing free throws after the game.

Sansa ain’t no little bird anymore. Really thought for a second she was about to take the Hound back to her quarters and show him a good time.

Bronn doing Bronn things.  He spoke with truthfulness stating that the OG’s of houses were cutthroats.  I am very excited to see which way he goes with. He’s one factor I have no idea how it’s going to turn out.  I originally thought, “He would never kill Tyrion or Jaime”.  But looking back, Tyrion and Jaime put him through some shit and Cersei hasn’t done anything bad to him.  Don’t be surprised when you see a bolt go through Jaime’s throat.

Btw, the Starbucks coffee in the one scene, if that “ruined” the episode for you then you need to get some Adderall to relieve you of your ADD.  This shit happens in Hollywood. I didn’t even recognize it until he memes came out.

As much as you hate Cersei, that woman knows how to play war. Killing Missandei in front of Dany’s tiny “army” was very similar to Ned’s beheading, but way more badass. No way Cersei lives, though. She and her unborn child are as dead as the Night Kings hope of eternal death.

This was definitely a classic GOT “set-up” episode. Next episode is destined to be 80 minutes of fire and death. I feel like I know what’s going to happen but the creators could be setting us up for a twist, it is Game of Thrones after all.

Also, there’s been a lot of sex and wine drinking in this season, really unexpected and thoroughly enjoying all of it.

Game of Thrones S8E3 Recap

by: Jake Ring

Rebound taken by Night King, Night King to White Walker back to Night King up for the layup, Oh blocked by Stark, Arya Stark with the rejection.”  – Mike Breen

What a fucking episode. This season has yet to disappoint. And coming off of an Avengers: Endgame weekend, this episode put the cherry on top of an incredible weekend in entertainment.

RIP Dothraki. The most badass army on the planet was literally eaten by the wights. Nice try Red Woman.

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Jaime’s still got it. “Left hand, right hand, no hand, don’t matter, Lannisters in 4.” Him and Brienne definitely going to fuck by the end of this series.

I think this episode proved that dragon battles are better than space battles. Am I right? (Both dragons are alive btw, it was confirmed.)

Beric giving his life for Ayra really got me in the feels, right then and there I knew Ayra was the key to the NK’s demise. “He has fulfilled his duty.

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I really thought Jon was dead when the NK brought everyone back to life, then, being the badass that he is, fought off like 100 wights until Dany came and torched the rest of them.  (Huge parallel between this scene and when Jon challenged Ramsay to a 1v1 and Ramsay and the Night King were both scared, little bitches.)

Anyone else catch Jon looking at Sam, his best friend, as he laid in a pile of dead people while getting attacked by wights and just said, “eh, not my problem.” ? Pussy’s changed him.

Jorah, first ballot Friend Zone Hall of Fame. He literally fought for his life to get out of the friend zone. But he never had a chance, that old fart.

Theon, you tried bud. Redemption came to you just as fast as that spear went through your gut.

The white walkers and the Night King are the TV representation of Lebron James and the 2018 Cleveland Cavaliers. The only thing those white walkers did the ENTIRE series was ride horses and die. They are the worst bodyguards of all time. But I guess that’s what you get when you recruit incest babies into your leadership.

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Arya Stark.  Our little sister, now a fucking badass, killed Death.  Was I the only one that screamed “NOT TODAY MOTHER FUCKER” when she pulled the ‘ole dipsy-doo and shoved that dagger went into the Night King.  Crazy how she received that dagger from Bran in the exact spot she used it to save him.  It’s like he knew or something, 

Ghost survived. That’s really all that matters.

Onto Cersei. I’m not sure how much of the army is left in Winterfell, nonetheless, they still have two dragons, Dany, Ayra, and Jon.  I think that’s all they need to defeat the afterthought of Cersei.  Only thing I’m worried about is Euron’s fleet.  But, I have a feeling he is going to see the dragons and be like “Yeahh, Cersei, the pussy was good and all, but I’m out. Deuces.”  

After this insane battle, this war with Cersei is like going and taking a test, barely passing, and then having homework that night on a new subject.  

Also, what the fuck was Bran doing the entire time? Just being a bird? That helps. You couldn’t have don’t something else? Power has changed you, bro.

Ned Stark can rest easy now that Winter is over.

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What does Jon do next? I feel like his life goal is complete and the only thing left for him to do is fuck his aunt and have dragon babies.  He doesn’t want that crown.  Also, Dany might be the low-key villain, don’t be surprised if Jon turns on her because of her desire for the throne.

RIP to the real ones; Ed, Theon, Jorah, Lady Mormont, Beric, Red Woman, The Dothraki.  Cue the Sarah Mclachlan music.

Comment Below on your thoughts on the episode!