The University of Michigan enrolls student based on Retweets

The U of M announced on Wednesday morning that they will be taking requests from potential students via Twitter.

Chad Bizwell (@CBizwell) was one of the first students to ask the university for admission.

All Chad has to do is ask the internet world to retweet his tweet and Chad will be enrolled in a prestigious university. Chad quickly went to Twitter to get out his tweet.

People’s magazine did an interview with Chad.

All I did was hit the “tweet” button and the internet did the rest. College is going to be a cake walk.

Chad Bizwell when asked how he was able to pull of 10K retweets

And just like that, Chad was given admission to college. No admission process, no ACT or SAT requirement, no essay about human rights, no twenty-page admission form to fill out, no waiting 4 months after submission.  Just tweeting out less than 280 characters and sitting on his ass waiting for the internet to do his job for him. People want to call Millennials lazy, you wait until generation X sheds their light on the world.

Brave college student survives 4 years of classes without putting a single sticker on his Laptop. (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph

Chad Rosier recently graduated The Ohio State University while not putting a single sticker on his laptop.  No sticker to cover up the Apple logo, no sticker that shows his political party, no sticker to show his favorite Netflix series, no “Keep Calm and ….” sticker, and no sticker that shows what school he was attending.  Very seldom is a student able to survive that long without surrendering to sticker life.

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We interviewed Chad to see how he was able to ride out the burden of keeping a naked laptop.

Chad said, “I’ve had a lot of pressure from orientation all the way to graduation.  Stickers were handed out to me for free at a lot of events, but I kept true to my word that I would never give in to the college norm of hammering stickers on my laptop.”  

We asked him, “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to raise awareness for something?” Chad’s response, “No. I just didn’t want 15-cent stickers on my laptop that cost me thousands of dollars.

We salute you Chad for your courageous act.

Satire