NFL Fantasy Week 4 Shiners & Piners

I had to skip last week due to a wedding I was in (Congrats Jayna & Bruce!). I deeply apologize and I hope everyone was able to win their games without my insight. Week 4 is here and it’s the first buy week. Injuries are beginning to rack up and your roster may start to look a little shaky. But don’t panic, there is still A LOT of football to be played this year.

A little advice before I get to this. If you have someone on your bench out-perform someone you started, don’t get down on yourself. Never in a million years would you play Paul Richardson over Davante Adams. Only people with peanuts for brains would make this move (or GIANT balls, however you want to look at it). Fantasy is about playing the right players when the matchup is right, but it doesn’t always work out the way I, you, or ESPN “experts” predict.

QUARTERBACKS

⭐️SHINERS⭐️

Image result for shine bright like a diamond gif

Dak Prescott

Image result for headshot dak prescott

Fuck, do the Cowboys look good. Their defense, their offense. Just an all-around, complete team they have this year. So far, Dak is throwing at an immensely high 75% completion percentage with 9 TDs and only 2 turnovers. They go into the Super Dome on Sunday night and I’m thinking that Dak is going to pick on Eli Apple and the leagues worst pass defense.

Image result for dak prescott gif

Jared Goff

Image result for jared goff headshot

Goff FINALLY got things going last Sunday night as the Rams were able to get by the Browns in Cleveland. Goff must have realized that Cooper Kupp was back on the team as he was his favorite target all night. The Rams play host to Tampa Bay on Sunday who just let rookie, Daniel Jones, jizz all over their faces this past week. The Rams seem to have their offense going and a matchup against the Bucs (at home) could elevate Goff’s confidence even more.

Phillip Rivers

Image result for philip rivers headshot

Yes, we are going to pick on the Dolphins. It’s going to be a theme all year. Phillip Rivers got his yearly “Phillip Rivers sucks” game out last week and it still wasn’t a bad game. He threw for 318 yards and 2 tuddys. Miami is a joke. They are a literal dumpster fire this year. Phillip Rivers should get you 18+ fantasy points easy.

Image result for dumpster fire gif

Sleepers: Jacoby Brissett, Daniel Jones, Aaron Rodgers

PINERS

Image result for ride the pine gif

Matt Ryan

Image result for matt ryan headshot

Do you really trust Matt Ryan against the Titans? It’s Matt Ryan. Some call him Matty Ice for some reason, but the man doesn’t have a drop of cold water in his veins. The Titans have a good fucking defense, that keeps them in games. When Matt Ryan is supposed to do good, like in a home game against a win-able opponent, he falls flat on his face. I would stay away from Ryan, personally.

Related image

Carson Wentz

Image result for carson wentz headshot

I like Carson Wentz just like the next guy, but he’s going into Green Bay who has one of the best defenses in the league (surprisingly). On top of that, the Eagles offense is banged up more than the guy that breaks everything on SpongeBob.

Image result for spongebob guy who breaks everything

Wentz may end up being okay. And if he is your only option you’re going to have to ride with him, but if you can find another steaming option you may want to think about putting him on your bench.

Kirk Cousins

Image result for kirk cousins headshot

He’s playing the Bears and you saw what Khalil Mack and company just did to Case Keenum on Monday night. The Vikings have been riding the Dalvin Cook train all year and I predict their game plan against the Bears is going to be extremely run-heavy. You can find a better option than Cousins, he’s only owned in 36% of leagues on ESPN, don’t worry about stashing him on your bench, drop him at this point.

Ride the Pine: Jameis Winston, Teddy Bridgewater, Mitch Trubisky

RUNNING BACKS

⭐️SHINERS⭐️

Image result for shine bright like a diamond gif

Austin Ekeler

Image result for austin ekeler headshot

He’s playing the Dolphins…. Also, with the impending return of Melvin Gordon, Ekeler may be on a mission to prove that he deserves the bulk of the carries when Gordon returns.

Marlon Mack

Image result for headshot marlon mack

Believe it or not, Marlon Mack leads the league in carries through the first three weeks. The Colts welcome the Raiders this Sunday and I expect the Colts to keep with the course. Mack may have the 9th most points among PPR running backs, so far. But, he is the Colts workhorse, and touches are touches. Mack has been one of the most consistent plays this year, expect him to have a bigger game than normal this week.

Image result for marlon mack gif

Joe Mixon

Image result for joe mixon headshot

Look, the Bengals haven’t shown us much this year besides 3 Bengal-like losses. But, they go into a banged-up Pittsburgh team this Sunday. These two teams HATE each other. Mixon has a low 2.8 YPA this season but the Bengals have played three tough run defenses this season (Seattle, San Fran, & Buffalo). The Bengals are going to need to get their offense kick-started this Sunday, and the best way to do that is to get Mixon going early. Expect Mixon to bounce back to his lackluster start of the season.

Sleepers: Mark Ingram, Rex Burkhead, James Conner, Adrian Peterson, Phillip Lindsay

PINERS

Image result for ride the pine gif

Aaron Jones

Image result for aaron jones headshot

It’s a short week, he’s a little banged up (shoulder) from last week, and he’s facing the Eagles who have given up 171 yards on the ground for the entire season (57 YPG). It’s a recipe for disaster for Jones. He should ride the pine unless he’s your only option.

Devin Singletary & Frank Gore

Image result for bills logo

The Patriots have shown that they have a top-3 run defense this season. And I get the feeling that the Patriots are about to stomp the Bills in this showdown of two undefeated teams. Every time the Bills have a glimpse of hope, Tom Brady and the Pats come and stomp on their necks. Singletary and Gore are not explosive enough to exploit this tough defense. You can find other options this week at running back.

James White

Image result for james white headshot

The long-time Patriots’ reliable running back is not so reliable anymore. In Bill Belichick fashion, he has a three-headed monster in the backfield. With the talents of Michel and Burkhead, it’s hard to find enough production to keep him in your starting lineup. The Patriots love to change up their game plan when it comes to running backs and against a stout Bills defense, it’s hard to determine what Belichick will do. It’s safe to keep him benched.

Ride the Pine: David Montgomery, Devonta Freeman, Kenyan Drake

WIDE RECEIVERS

⭐️SHINERS⭐️

Image result for shine bright like a diamond gif

Davante Adams

Image result for Davante Adams  headshot

Yes, he hasn’t been that great this year. But I’m predicting a breakout game for Adams. Philly’s pass defense has been horrendous this season and with Aaron Rodgers at home, it makes for a great matchup for Adams. I’m expecting at least 75+ yards and 1+ tuddy from Adams. Your patience with him will pay off this week.

Image result for davante adams gif

Amari Cooper

Image result for amari cooper  headshot

Remember last year when the Cowboys traded a 1st round pick for Cooper and we all called Jerry Jones a dumbass. Yeah, well turns out we are the dumbasses. Cooper has finally become the receiver we thought he was going to be coming out of Alabama. As consistent and electric as he has been it’s very tough to bench him. Marshon Lattimore will be following him most of the game, but even Lattimore hasn’t looked like the Rookie of the Year he once was.

Terry McLaurin

Image result for terry mclaurin headshot

The Ohio State prospect has been lighting it up for the Redskins. Initially drafted to be a special teams gunner, now the No. 1 option on the Redskins receiver core. McLaurin has scored in his first 3 games as a pro and when the train is hot you got to hop on until the train falls off. The Giants have one of the worst secondaries in the NFL and Case Keenum is going to want to bounce back after that awful MNF game. Let this star shine.

Image result for terry mclaurin gif
Terry McLaurin can also block

Sleepers: Cooper Kupp, Tyler Boyd, DJ Moore, Allen Robinson, Christian Kirk

PINERS

Image result for ride the pine gif

Marvin Jones Jr.

Image result for marvin jones jr headshot

Although the Kansas City matchup seems like a good one on paper. Jones has yet to prove that he is a viable fantasy asset. With only 15 receptions on the year, his value is not worth your time. Matthew Stafford is yet again struggling out of the gates. I have a feeling the Chiefs are going to roll the Lions on Sunday and I would stay away from this shaky Detroit offense.

Stefon Diggs

Image result for stefon diggs headshot

Kirk Cousins is the Kirk Cousins we all knew he was. With the emergence of star running back Dalvin Cook and the Bears potent pass defense, the Vikings are going to go with a run-heavy offense. Remember week 1 when the Vikings threw the ball 10 times total? Expect that to happen again, with Thielen and Cook getting all the targets. Rumor is Diggs also requested a trade this week meaning there could be bad blood between Diggs and the rest of the offense.

Julian Edelman

Image result for julian edelman headshot

This Bills v. Patriots game is going to be a game of ball and clock control. I can see the final score being something like a 12 – 6. Tom Brady is going to game manage the fuck out of this one and with very little offensive smoke. Not to mention the Bills have a good defense. Also, Edelman is nursing a rib injury that could limit his snaps.

Image result for patriots gif funny

Ride the Pine: Chris Godwin, John Brown, Dede Westbrook, DJ Chark

TIGHT ENDS

⭐️SHINER⭐️

Image result for shine bright like a diamond gif

Evan Engram

Image result for evan engram headshot

I really shouldn’t have to tell anyone this. But Evan Engram looks like a man amongst boys this year. Especially with Daniel Jones throwing him the football. He has the size of a TE and the speed of a WR. The Giants play the Redskins this week which could be a shootout in the making. Engram-boom is going to happen.

Image result for evan engram gif

Sleeper: Austin Hooper, Darren Waller

PINER

Image result for ride the pine gif

Vance McDonald

Image result for vance mcdonald headshot

The Steelers just traded for Nick Vannett and Vance is dealing with a shoulder injury. McDonald is one that the Steelers hoped more for, and the Steelers came out and said they the trade for Vannett was not simply because of McDonald’s injury. It sounds like a ride the pine situation for McDonald.

Ride the Pine: James O’Shaughnessy, Noah Fant

Anyone I missed? Anyone you think will go off this week? comment below and we can discuss.

Want more fantasy football content? Hit that follow button and follow all our socials.

NFL Week 2 Shiners & Piners

Week 1 is in the books.  Looks like the NFL is geared up to score a lot of points again this year.   Roger must be juicing the balls…. This is going to be my weekly Shiners & Piners. (Shiners⭐️ = they will shine in your lineup, Piners = let them ride the pine, they aren’t worthy of your team for the week).

QUARTERBACKS

⭐️SHINERS⭐️

Dak Prescott

Image result for headshot dak prescott

Dak played like he had a chip on his shoulder in week 1. Almost like the Cowboys are getting ready to give him a new contract? Pay the man. That was the best performance I’ve seen from Dak since he entered the league. His weapons are all in their primes, Zeke, Amari, Gallup, Witten (jk). Dak has a favorable matchup against the Redskins who were torched by Carson Wentz and DeSean Jackson last week. In two games last season against Washington, Dak threw for 562 yards and 3 touchdowns. Start Dak with confidence this week.

Tom Brady

Image result for headshot tom brady

The GOAT is the “Play of the Week” since he is playing the Dolphins. Do I think he is going to get a lot of points? Yes. Is he going to play the whole game? Probably not. Tom vs. the Dolphins is the juiciest matchup of the week. I would still start him because I think the Patriots are going to use their shiny new toy in AB, but don’t be surprised when they get a 4 touchdown lead and Belichick starts running the ball…

DeShaun Watson

Image result for headshot deshaun watson

I’m so pissed I didn’t get this animal in any of my leagues this year. If you got him, there may not be a time to bench him. He’s playing in a semi-weak division and he may be the most explosive quarterback in this league. Yeah, I said it, Patrick. Watson can do everything and after that DISAPPOINTING loss, to New Orleans on MNF, Watson and the gang are going to be out for blood. The Texans play the overrated Jacksonville defense. Ramsay can try to stop Hopkins, but Hop is going to get his.

Sleepers: Jared Goff, Sam Darnold, Lamar Jackson

PINERS

Jameis Winston

Image result for headshot jameis winston

That’s right, you bought it, I kinda bought it. “This is going to be Jameis’s year”, “It’s his 4th year and he has weapons around him, he has to put up points.” *fart noise* Fucking Jameis, man. Last week he ate more grass than W’s.

Image result for eat a w gif

Jameis plays the Carolina Panthers tomorrow night and if you don’t know my philosophy on Thursday night quarterbacks, DON’T PLAY THEM (unless they are a top player “Mahomes, Watson, Wentz, etc”) The Carolina front seven got stronger this past year when they added former Buc Gerald McCoy. Pass on Winston

Kirk Cousins

Image result for headshot kirk cousins

Oh, Kirky. Just like Jameis, you build us up with hype and a plethora of weapons only to take a shit inside your helmet before you run on the field. Kirk went 8/10 last week……. Not a bad stat line, but Minnesota hopes that Dalvin Cook can produce most of the offense the rest of the year. Minnesota’s passing core could take a hit because of this. Kirk plays the surprisingly good Packers defense in Week 2, who made Mitch Trubisky look like a JV quarterback. You can find better options than Kirk.

Aaron Rodgers

Image result for aaron rodgers headshot

RODGERS. Let this sink in, Aaron Rodgers had the 24th worst completion percentage in week 1 with 60%. Your boy, that you drafted with your 3 overall pick like a fucking idiot. Andy Dalton had a better week than Aaron, hows that make you feel? Granted he may have been playing the best defense in the league and Khalil Mack was on the hunt the entire 1st quarter. But his matchup this week isn’t any better. The only factor helping Rodgers is that the game is at home, but the NFL’s 2nd best defense comes to town (Viking’s). Bench your 3rd round draft pick.

RUNNING BACKS

⭐️SHINERS⭐️

Dalvin Cook

Image result for headshot dalvin cook

HEEEEE’S BACK. Is it just me or did Dalvin Look better than ever in his return to the field? He was the entire Viking’s offense. I can guarantee Cook will get you AT LEAST 15 fantasy points this week. The week part of Green Bay’s defense is their run-stopping. Cook should never leave that starting spot on your team.

Image result for dalvin gif

Carlos Hyde

Image result for headshot carlos hyde

This is a scary one for owners who did not take a shot on Hyde in their drafts. He looked fucking good Monday Night against the Saints. “oh but he only got 10 carries” He is still learning the offense you impatient fucks. The Texans play the Jaguars on Sunday in which I think the Texans are going to roll over them. Hyde’s carries will increase as time goes on. Duke Johnson is the 3rd down back and he is too fragile to carry the early-down work. Look for Hyde to find the end zone in week 2.

Marlon Mack

Image result for headshot marlon mack

Mack was the work-horse for the Colts in Week 1. Ha Ha. Punny. He carried the ball a league-high 25 times for 174 yards, 119 of those were in the 3rd quarter alone. The Colts are going to need a run game to help Brissett. Don’t let the Titans defense scare you, they still gave up 25.9 PPR points to the Cleveland running backs last week. Mack is going to be a key point to this offense for the year and I like the match up he has.

Sleepers: Mark Ingram, Austin Ekeler, Adrian Peterson, Chris Thompson

PINERS

David Johnson

Image result for headshot david johnson

DJ plays the #1 overall defense to opposing running backs (Ravens) in week 2. Johnson was able to have the 5th best PPR performance for running backs in week 1 against Detroit, but this is Kyler Murray’s first away game in Baltimore. Expect John Harbaugh to come after Murray and the Cardinals often and early. Stay away from the Cardinals offense.

Phillip Lindsay

Image result for headshot phillip lindsay

There was a lot of hope for Lindsay after his breakout rookie season last year. He was only able to manage 66 scrimmage yards against an underrated Raiders defense. Expect close or even less against the Bears D in week 2. Even the king of check-downs Joe Flacco won’t be able to get him away from Khalil Mack.

Image result for khalil mack gif

Damien Williams

Image result for headshot damien williams

He is the starter, for now in Kansas City, but Shady is coming for that top spot. He had 18.5 PPR fantasy points in week 1 but I would sell high on Williams. Shady is learning the offense and will start to dwindle Williams’s usage. Williams only had 13 carries to McCoy’s 10 in week 1. The Raiders will possibly be down their 1st round corner (Gareon Conley) which could open the door for the Chiefs passing game and you know how Andy Reid likes to throw the ball.

WIDE RECEIVERS

⭐️SHINERS⭐️

Amari Cooper

Image result for headshot amari cooper

9 targets for 6 receptions for 106 yards and a touchdown in week 1. Just like his Shiner counterpart, Prescott, Cooper makes the list for week 2. The Redskins pass defense is weak and if the Cowboys play anything like they did in week 1 then Cooper should be a top scorer for week 2.

Image result for amari cooper gif

Robert Woods

Image result for headshot robert woods

Woods tied 2nd in targets with 13 last week. There was speculation with Kupp coming back that Goff would steer away from Woods, but it was just the opposite. The Rams have a favorable matchup against the Saints this weekend. The aerial attack that we saw last year could make its comeback this Sunday afternoon.

Allen Robinson

Image result for headshot allen robinson

Even though his quarterback didn’t show up in week 1, Robinson was able to secure the top spot for targets on the Bears roster with 13, in which he hauled in 7 for 107 yards. The Bronco’s secondary isn’t what they used to be, especially after Derek Carr was able to pick them apart on Monday night. Robinson should be able to find the end zone in week 2.

Sleepers: Jamison Crowder, Michael Gallup, Cooper Kupp

PINERS

Mike Evans

Image result for headshot mike evans

Mike has a lot of talent that is going to go down the drain if he stays in Tampa Bay. Evans plays on the road against the division rival, Panthers, on Thursday night. A season ago Evans only had 5 receptions for 64 yards in two outings against Carolina. If you have other options, put Evans on the bench, and if you have to start him, don’t expect a lot from him this week.

Image result for mike evans panthers gif

Emmanuel Sanders

Image result for headshot emmanuel sanders

Courtland Sutton was able to beat Sanders in targets for week 1, (7-8), and seems to be the clear cut WR1 in Denver. But, its Joe fucking Flacco. If you trust check-down Joe against the Bears then you should stop playing fantasy football. Sit Sanders and find a better option.

Cardinals WR’s

Image result for cardinals logo nfl

Kyler Murray in his first away game against the Ravens, sit this offense.

TIGHT ENDS

⭐️SHINER⭐️

Austin Hooper

Image result for headshot austin hooper

The one light in the Falcons offense this past week was Austin Hooper. Hooper was able to haul in 9 grabs for 77 yards putting up 16.7 PPR points. A solid outing for a late-round tight end. The Falcons play host to the Eagles this weekend who gave up big plays to Vernon Davis last week.

Image result for austin hooper gif

Sleeper: Jason Witten, Darren Waller, Mark Andrews

PINER

Eric Ebron

Image result for eric ebron

There was still some optimistic integrity with Ebron when Andrew Luck announced his retirement. Ebron finished at the top of the ranks last year with the Colts and some believed it wasn’t going to matter who threw him the ball this year. But they (and I) were wrong. Ebron and Brissett just don’t mesh well with each other. It’s would be wise to avoid Ebron this week.

Fantasy Football Week 1

It’s finally fucking here. Fantasy Football. You’ll wake up Sunday morning after watching college football on Saturday, for a full day of NFL football. You’ll turn on RedZone, order food, and sit there for 7 hours of football, (you’re a fraud if you don’t have Redzone). God bless America and football. Please don’t let the softness of the younger generation destroy this Fall tradition we have built for over a hundred years.

Normally I would do a fantasy football outlook, but it’s week 1. You’re guess is as good as mine. Play who you drafted near the top, everyone else is a shot in the dark. Next week I will do a “Shiners and Piners” (same thing as a Start’em / Sit’em), with the QB, RB, WR, & TE positions. If you need help with Kickers and D/ST then you should just stop playing fantasy football.

I will, on the other hand predict who will finish the top fantasy players at each position for the 2019-2020 NFL fantasy football season:

QB: Patrick Mahomes
RB: Christian McCaffrey
RB: Saquon Barkley
WR: Davante Adams
WR: DeAndre Hopkins
TE: Travis Kelce
D/ST: Bears D/ST
K: who gives a fuck (Sorry McAfee)

Big surprise…..

My Top Boom or Bust players for 2019. (in no certain order)

  • Robby Anderson – NYJ – WR
  • Derrius Guice – WAS – RB
  • Terry McLauren – WAS – WR
  • Tevin Coleman – SF – RB
  • Any Houston WR not named Hopkins
  • Latavius Murray – NO – RB
  • James Washington – PIT – WR
  • Curtis Samuel – CAR – WR

This list could go on and on. This years talent is so hard to judge. After the top 50 players, the potential for boom/bust is extremly high. Guys you were drafting in the late rounds could have a huge year, which is why the draft is so important, I hope you didn’t get lackadaisical in the last 5 rounds of your draft.

Good Luck to all except everyone I am playing against this year.

Fantasy Football Pre-Draft Guide

It’s that time of year again. Thank the fucking Lord. It’s been so long since football that I think I tricked my brain into liking baseball. But, that’s all out the door now. It’s finally time to put on your favorite NFL jersey and sit down on your couch and draft your team(s) for the upcoming NFL season. The thought of highlighters, buffalo wings, and cold beer has me rock hard. ONLY 3 MORE SUNDAYS UNTIL NFL SUNDAY. Although, fantasy football is not just fun and games. It’s all about preparation, week in and week out.

Here are what you need to do in order to prepare for your fantasy football draft.

Research. Research. Research.

Image result for research fantasy football

Doing research prior to your draft is extremely critical. Things to look for are:

  • free agency and trades made that you might not be aware of
  • rookies
  • expiring contracts (players who have 1 or 2 years left on their contract usually perform at a higher level to get that pay check the following year)
  • injuries
  • depth charts
  • read up on how some guys are doing at camp. I find reading a teams insider blog is a lot more helpful than reading ESPN or Fox Sports.
  • get two or three sleeper picks. Everyone should have one solid sleeper going into the draft

Also read up on your leagues rules. Each league has its only specific set of rules and getting familiar with the rules and scoring can really benefit you during the season.

Do some mock drafts to test the waters.

Image result for mel kiper

I’m not saying you have to be be Mel Kiper or Todd McShay but put a little effort into it. I recommend using whatever platform your real draft is to do your mock drafts. My league uses ESPN so I will strictly use ESPN. Do about 4-5 mocks and in different draft orders and formats. Doing one where your the 1st pick and doing one where you’re the 7th pick makes a hell of a difference in the strategy you’ll need to use. Make sure you pay attention to PPR/Standard or Snake/Auction. Here’s a link to ESPN’s. There’s a million every minute and are extremely easy to get into.
https://fantasy.espn.com/football/mockdraftlobby?ex_cid=FFL2019_RightRailMock

Make a cheat sheet

Look at it as if you are going into school for a test. There’s no mother fucking rules telling you that you can’t have a cheat sheet, so make one, or at least have a pre-made one handy at the draft. No matter if you’re doing an offline or an online draft, PRINT OUT YOUR SHEET. Going from window to window on your laptop/phone/tablet wastes valuable time.

Image result for fantasy football cheat sheet

Here’s an example of a great pre-made sheet. Print an updated one out. Laminate the fucking thing and don’t let anyone else see it. https://footballabsurdity.com//wp-content/uploads/2019/07/BeerSheet-2019-07-01.pdf

Pay the commissioner the fees before or at the draft

Related image

I am a commissioner of one of my leagues and this is the worst thing to deal with. Some guys are great with paying before the draft and others don’t pay until the last week of the league. It’s a pain in the ass asking people for money every week. It makes the commissioner look like an asshole for asking but the real asshole is the guy holding out. If you can’t pay up front, then make a deal with the commissioner for a payment plan. I’ve seen this situation destroy friendships and is that really how you want to lose a friend?

Get a nice name.

Image result for fantasy football names

Some people like to name their team based of one of their players. Others like to base them off of TV show such as Game of Thrones and others just like generic names such as “Team Blue” or “420 Blaze”

Don’t be THAT GUY at the draft

Image result for the league gif

If you’re at a live draft and people are drinking, take it easy the first few rounds, get your core players then start shotgunning brews. Those first 4-5 picks are critical and the rest are like throwing darts in the dark. Or if you want to take a dark approach, get all your friends drunk and be the only one sober making logical picks

Image result for thinking gif

All-in-all, just be prepared. Going into a draft unprepared is a waste of money. Unless you’re the luckiest motherfucker around, you will lose the league and your money. GLHF