Don’t Ruin the Movie

by: Jake Ring

I’ve had the pleasure of watching Avengers: Endgame twice in the last 24 hours. Although, I’ve watched them in completely different settings. I went on the night it came out at 6 PM in IMAX. I then went on the following day at 4 PM. Most people say, “ah I wouldn’t want to go to the premieres, people yell and clap and I just wouldn’t have a good time.”

Wrong.

The premiere show was one of the best movie experiences I have ever been a part of. Everyone sat in their assigned seats. (This is a thing now in movie theatres, get fucking used to it.) Nobody talked during critical moments. No phones went off. Everyone was on time for the movie. No one even moved out of their seat to go to the bathroom. Walked out of the movie theatre satisfied and smiling after it was over.

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Then I went to the 4 PM show with my fiance. Walk up to our seats sit down, so far so good. 5 minutes into the movie and this couple comes to sit in their seats right next to us and someone is already sitting in their seats. That couple, who didn’t speak English well, goes to get the manager. The manager comes in and kicks that couple out of their seat and then kicks out someone else out of the other couples seat because they were in their seats. The manager used the term “musical chairs” while directing this. Pretty much ruined the entire first 10 minutes of the movie. I had to fill my fiance in on what happened. Then some kid down front proceeded to talk and yell the ENTIRE movie. My whole thought process was “how are this person’s parents letting him do that.” Because it sounded like a 5-year-old kid. Turns out, it was some 13-year-old kid and his friend with no supervision, just being rude to the rest of the theatre. I also didn’t mention the constant flow of people going to the bathroom and then, what seemed like, a disturbing melody of phones going off.

THE worst movie experience of my life, good thing Endgame was able to balance that out.  (Such a great movie).

So, next time you bash someone for going to a premiere. Just remember the people that go to the premiere are there for the fucking movie and mean business.

Side note: Old people always get on the younger generations for being on their phones all the time.  Well, at least we know when to turn it on silent/vibrate, you hypocritical fucks.  It is always an older person’s phone that goes off, ALWAYS.

This Avengers x Fortnite Event is the Greatest LTM ever

by: Cam Wheeler

No game will ever touch Fortnite.

This game, just today, came out with a mode that no Call of Duty, Gears of War, League of Legends, will ever be able to pass.  They came out with a game mode that literally makes you the Marvel superheroes, you grew up loving. To wield Captain America’s shield and Thor’s Axe, while having super speed and being able to jump far, puts you right into the Comics and movies.  Flying around with Iron Man’s repulsors and swinging around the map with Hawkeye’s grapple, really hits you in the feels. And we all know about Thanos’s powers from last year.

Marvel never came out with a video game (except the Lego games).  So this is as close as it is going to get. They put out a Black Widow skin with this release and I hope the plan is to have the rest of the OG 6 characters skins on the market for purchase.  

After playing just a few games, I am instantly hooked.  I don’t even care if my team wins. Soaring through the air with Thor’s ax and chopping down Thanos’s army, or flying high and hitting people with Iron Man’s locking system, or throwing Cap’s shield, and even hitting people with Hawkeye’s bow from DEEEEP, is as much fun as I need.  

I hope they keep this LTM for a while because it is for sure the most fun LTM Fortnite has ever come out with.
Fortnite is King and it will remain King as long as they continue to impress their community and bring other people into the community as they do.  

Thank you to Epic for all the hours you have pumped into this game.

The 4th Week in April

by: Jake Ring

This is the week of all weeks.  The week we have been waiting for, for over a years time.  Anticipation and anxiousness have led us down the path to Thursday & Sunday.  10 years have led to Thursday, while 8 years have led to Sunday. Part of me is nervous, part of me excited, and part of me doesn’t want it to happen because I don’t want it to end.  I’m also in a state where I wish this Avengers movie was later this summer, to space out the enjoyment of these two successful franchises

Tomorrow, I will go to work, get nothing done, as all I can think about is Endgame. Then, I will get ready to go to the premiere of Avengers: Endgame, (Seeing it at 6 PM in IMAX), where I will joyfully sit, rock hard, for 3+ hours of pure entertainment, eating popcorn and drinking a Dr. Pepper, while smiling from ear-to-ear like a little boy going on his first Merry-Go-Round.

I’ve been looking at theories on Reddit and YouTube, listening to podcasts, and watching all the Marvel movies leading up to this glorious event in movie history.  We will be telling our grandchildren about this movie. Even though there will probably be 4 Endgames by then. I’ve heard only good things about this movie from the early screeners.  One said, in the three-hour time frame, there is no good time to go to the bathroom. Others have said that it’s a tear-jerker, and almost everyone leaves the theatre with some type of crying repertoire.  I’ve also heard that you must catch up on EVERY single movie in anticipation for this one.  I suggest just going and taking a shit and watching this.  

I have no predictions for Endgame other than I think Cap is going to die, I do believe they somehow defeat Thanos, but I have no idea on how they achieve that.

Then on Sunday, we get the battle episode of the best show to ever hit the air in America. After multiple rewatches and countless fan theories, we finally see how Jon and Dany take on the Night King.  We finally see what the Night King REALLY, wants. We will see some of our favorite characters die. The director of this episode is the same director that directed, Hardhome, Battle of the Bastards, and The Winds of Winter. Every character came full circle last episode. Brienne became a night, Jaime and Tyrion found peace, Jon told Dany about his heritage, Ayra had sex, Theon is back to fight for Winterfell, and Podrick is a fucking badass now.  I realize this isn’t the last episode of GOT,  I mean we got 4 80+ minutes episodes left, but damn I feel like this episode is going to hit differently. 

I thought this week would kill me.  But, so far it hasn’t been too bad.

But after GOT and Avengers are over, what is left?

Which Office Basketball Player Are You?

by: Jake Ring

What Office Basketball Player are you?

Michael Scott

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The one player who thinks they are better than they actually are.  This is the player no one wants to admit they are, but everyone else knows who they are.  This player hangs onto the ball too much and dribbles into double coverage when he gets the chance.  Usually sports a cut off that is cut at the seems, so it looks weird, and wears New Balance basketball shoes, with the occasional headband or wristbands.

Jim Halpert

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The uncaring MVP.  This player is the perfect fit for a basketball player, tall, lanky, and athletic.  Can do anything from driving to score, or posting up on the three-point line and draining a 25-footer.  The only downside is his effort. They turn it on when it really matters, but are not full go for the entire game.  Usually wearing a short sleeve tee & Nike’s, nothing flashy.

Dwight Schrute

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The Hustler.  “I’m just going to play defense and get rebounds.” An absolute unit on the court, but has no hand-eye coordination at all.  Only shot they can make is a layup. This player probably prefers wrestling over basketball, but plays basketball because no one wants to roll around in the dirt with them.  This player is also the player that says “We’re skins”

Darryl Philbin

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The Constant, Floor General.  This player would be the best player on the court if it wasn’t for their weight.  They can get up and down the court easily but lack on defense. Normally a scorer and a facilitator of the ball.  Normally bigger guys with a big heart for the game. Also called, The Unexpected Athlete.

Roy Anderson

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The guy that plays on the basketball team and his Twitter bio says “Ball is Life”, or “Ball don’t lie”  All effort is put into the game, usually the sweatiest guy on the court. And can play ball at an efficient and disciplined level.  This guy is extremely competitive and will kick the ball if things don’t go their way. A common quote, “Foul!, back up top”. Girlfriend is in attendance of every game.

Which one are you?  If you DGAF then you are Ryan Howard, the ultimate not giving a fuck, person of all time.

Music Festivals are Changing The American Dream (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph

There once was a time where the American dream was to get a great job, marry your soul mate, have children and die, watching the sunset with your partner on the deck of your farmhouse.  Fast forward 75 years and the American dream is now going to a music festival, not because you want to see live music, but to get a picture for your Instagram. The feeling of getting that just right picture so that, Mary, back home, gets jealous is so much better than having a child.  I mean who wouldn’t want to do drugs and kill every brain cell possible rather than watching their 6-year-old ride a bike.  

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As America has changed, The American Dream changes with it.  Your legacy isn’t determined by how your son did on his math test.  It’s determined by the likes and comments you get on your Instagram photo.  People back in the day used to go out of their way, and even risk their lives, for their family.  But, the joyride in 2019 comes right after the Molly hits and Closer by the Chainsmokers comes on, and your friend just confessed their “bromance/girlmance” for you.  That’s the shit you’re going to take to the grave. Kids get older and forget about you, but Instagram posts last forever.

So, before you go on trying to live in 1943, remember that someone out there is risking their lives, dangling from a cliff, broadcasting live on Instagram, with 8 people watching.

Satire.